Script Analysis

Every writer who enters BlueCat Screenplay Competition receives written screenplay analysis on their entry. We strive to hire script readers who are thoughtful, intelligent, fair and clear. How they present their thoughts will, of course, vary, and you might not agree with what they think. But hopefully you will be able glean some idea of how to improve your screenplay and gain ground on your objective of getting your script to screen.

What follows is an example of the feedback we send to our entrants. Remember: what you receive is one person's opinion.

Wonderful Blue

Archive #578

What did you like about this script?

The structure is the strongest component of this story. All the events build steadily to the climax with Susan and Molly's deaths and Brian's incarceration. The theme: greed not only blinds, but it destroys everyone in its path is consistent throughout the entire script. The irony being that the main character, Brian is the only one who isn't driven by greed, but is a casualty nonetheless.

In a cast of despicable characters, everyone gets the comeuppance they deserve in the end, except for Brian whose unwilling involvement and innocence is punished along with everyone else. His trial and incarceration definitely conclude the story on a somber note. From the start, he is instantly sympathetic because of his situation: being fired, being hated by his girlfriend's family and being evicted. On top of which, he is manipulated throughout by his girlfriend, Rachel and his roommate Tracey.

The action and description follow the genre of Black Comedy nicely. The setup is effective and engaging, the characters are introduced simultaneously with their grim fates. The juxtaposition of the crime scene photos and the three roommates at their jobs in the beginning foreshadow their behavior and their ultimate demise. Rachel's job as a phone sex operator sets up her seduction of Brian and Heather's scenes as a wedding photographer sleeping with members of the wedding party reveal her desperation and emotional vulnerability. The main locale, the "smallest one bedroom apartment in the world" gives a sense of hopelessness to the roommates' situation, especially when they receive their eviction notice, which later fuels their horrific decision to kill Rachel's Grandmother and inherit the brownstone.

The love triangle between the three roommates is hilarious as well as the dynamic between Susan and Molly after their affair. Between the bickering, the seductions and the post-coital remorse, the sex scenes read the best and demonstrate the relationship of sex and money. The easy score mentality of the characters in pursuit of the American Dream satirically suggests the folly and absurdness of that chase. The author has a wonderfully twisted sense of humor in this respect.

What do you think needs work?

The main character Brian is too passive. Most of the time his passivity is mitigated by the humorous situations that he stumbles into, but he lacks active characteristics and his motivation for going along with the "plan" is a bit weak. Brian doesn't put up much of a fight and it's never explained why he agrees to the murders. The other characters are a little too simplistic. Although their wants and needs are clear, they need complexity to round them out, especially when they are described as "stereotypical". A stereotype has no dimension and an unlikable character should still be interesting and unique.

Beginning with the ending works structurally, but towards the middle of act II the ending is predictable, which slows the pace of an otherwise fast moving storyline. Book-ending the story is tricky and works best when the characters are more complex. Too often the characters are victims of the plot, in other words, the story happens to them, instead of the main characters guiding the story.

The fact that Brian goes to prison is strange, especially when the trial scene implies that everyone has listened to and believed his story, so it doesn't make sense to send him to prison if he is not guilty of a crime. If, despite his confession, the prosecutor had enough evidence to send him to prison anyway, the ending would work.

Although the general concept is funny, the jokes and slapstick need revision from scene to scene. The gags are often forced. The physical comedy would be balanced better with more witty lines and unexpected moments. The interactions between the two detectives is a bit farfetched, even within the suspension of disbelief. Instead of satirizing police investigation, they come across as simpletons and buffoons.

The dialogue falls a little flat and at times is confusing, as well as the descriptions. When cross-cutting between scenes, starting in the middle of a character's line can disrupt the flow of action. Also the actions and stage directions were completely clear in the beginning, but descended and became difficult to decipher as the story progressed. If the language were more fluid, the script would read much faster. With a few drafts this script could be sidesplitting on every page and not just in it's conception.