Script Analysis

Every writer who enters BlueCat Screenplay Competition receives written screenplay analysis on their entry. We strive to hire script readers who are thoughtful, intelligent, fair and clear. How they present their thoughts will, of course, vary, and you might not agree with what they think. But hopefully you will be able glean some idea of how to improve your screenplay and gain ground on your objective of getting your script to screen.

What follows is an example of the feedback we send to our entrants. Remember: what you receive is one person's opinion.

P.S. This is the feedback our 2004 winner received. Yes, even the winner gets script notes.

Archive #401 : The Man in the Rearview Mirror

What did you like?

The pacing is interesting - the whole script taking place in the car gives us a sense of the suffocation and tedium Greg must feel. You're still able to build and sustain a lot of tension by using the landscape and the characters. The characters are constantly being challenged, for example when Greg is waiting for the cop to come back and sees the green car go by in the opposite direction. Greg's character is specific and engaging. His interest in coins, license plates, and photography makes him come alive in a truthful way.

You are very skillful at building tension. For example, on pages 25-27, you do a good job interweaving the tension over the hitchhiker, and the tension over Greg not selling the estate. On page 43 there's a great moment where Greg reverts to being a child and Mrs. Stuart twists his ear. On page 51, Greg has to decide whether to go straight or right, and he takes his anger out on Mary. Mrs. Stuart contributes by suggesting they go right. You could consider adding more moments like this for Mrs. Stuart - where she finds herself unconsciously drawn into the mystery - instead of her constantly saying that Greg is crazy. On page 72, there's a nice moment where Greg calls Mrs. Stuart "Mother" without realizing it. Again, you're progressing the hitchhiker plot while also progressing the Mrs. Stuart/Greg plot. Greg's outburst on page 86 is well executed, and comes at just the right time in the plot. Other specific details make the story come alive - the dog that Greg wants to take a picture of, the moving tail light, Mrs. Stuart's needlepoint.

What needs work?

Try to make Mrs. Stuart's character dimensional and human. We clearly understand that she is irritating and fussy, but what are her vulnerabilities? Seeing glimpses of another side of her will make her more interesting. As it is, her tirades become a little repetitive. Maybe you can shape her character so that we see her trying different tactics to annoy Greg. Her and Greg's resolution on page 87 feels too fast and easy. Consider prolonging this tension longer so that their emotional beats feel more truthful. Cut out obvious dialogue that repeats what you have already shown us, i.e., on page 6 when Greg says, "I just like to keep a record of new and unusual things I see." You should still break up some of the script into scenes when they arrive at a new location, i.e., on page 69 when they come to a gas station there should be a scene heading, "EXT. GAS STATION - DAY." Also, is everything we see a point of view from the car? If not, there should be other scene headings, "EXT. FORD TWO DOOR LUXURY CAR - DAY."

The final car chase is a good climax, but keeps Greg and the hitchhiker at such a distance from each other, diluting the tension of imminent danger. One of the strongest moments in the script is when the two cars stop at the gas station. Think about including more situations such as this where the characters have to face-off in close proximity. Your script has Hitchcockian undertones. Using Rear Window as an example, consider how that protagonist observes the antagonist from his window throughout the entire film, but is finally confronted by him in the climax. While your ending is effective in that it does not follow a traditional denouement, the final image of the car sinking into the river does not quite feel appropriate or satisfying. What feeling do you want to leave us with? Just as you begin the script tellingly with Greg's meandering point of view, you should end the script with something meaningful.